Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
