oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
