my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
