Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
