I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
