I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
