How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Life is so much better after having sex.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
