I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
