I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
