my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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