I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
