tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
