We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
