the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
