You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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