I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
we should paint friendship bongs
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
