Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
