I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
we should paint friendship bongs
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
