In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Bring me that man meat
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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