Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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