its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think i got beer on your cat.
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