How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize