Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
