summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
