Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
