Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
