Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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