she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize