i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
