dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
