So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
