Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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