god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
