Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
