if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
