so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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