I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
