Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
