is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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