he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
