It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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