He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
