I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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