I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
