remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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