I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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