We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
