i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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