It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize