I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
