Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
