I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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