Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
