If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
