The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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