last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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