Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
