The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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