i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You ruined the universe
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
