god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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