I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
