Welp...herpes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
