chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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