In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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