Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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