Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
