i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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