The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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