Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
