Soap is not a condiment
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
